The Lesson

When bad things happen I find myself digging.

I must have deserved this in some way. This must be why He is not answering my prayers in the way that I imagined. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough. Maybe I am just not worthy.

This is where my doubt comes before my faith. How is it that I can know Jesus so intimately the way that I do and yet at the drop of a hat I can doubt His love for me?

I once heard a great bit of advice from a wise woman who said, "When you feel overwhelmed and anxious ask yourself two questions, 1. Am I a good person? 2. Am I doing my best?".

Well that changes everything. In a matter of seconds this woman shifted my perspective on grace. When I dig deep into my heart I know that I am a good person. I also know that 9 times out of 10 I am doing my best. Depending on the circumstances "my best" might look different and that's alright. All that I have to know is that I am doing my best in that moment, the best that I am capable of doing at that time. Isn't that refreshing?

So here's my theory:

When bad things happen to good people it leaves our faith and trust in Him a little shaken. How could this happen? Why would this happen? God does not allow bad things to happen but what He does do is create the most valuable lessons, lessons that we could have never learned hadn't we been in the situations that we were in.

Me:"Why does my son have to have Autism?"

God: "Because he will teach you how to have patience and how to be grateful for little victories. He will teach you how to love like you never knew that you were capable of loving. He will teach you how to not judge. He will teach you how to see the glass half full. He will give you a new perspective on life."

Me:"Why does my daughter have to have global developmental delays?"

God: "Because one day you will value every word that comes out of her mouth. You will never get tired of hearing her voice. You will give her confidence. You will encourage her to learn. You will teach her to work hard for the things that she desires. You will learn patience and appreciation for life's greatest gifts that are so often taken for granted."

Me: "Why does my loved one struggle with addiction?"

God: "Because you will learn that you are not in control. You will learn that no matter how hard you try you can not control the actions of another human being. You will learn that enabling is not helping. You will find strength in prayer and community. You will be restored in Me and will find your faith again."

Me: "Why do I have to struggle financially?"

God: "Have I not always provided for you and your family? You have to remember that when you are fearful, turn to Me. You will learn to be grateful for what you do have. You will not be wasteful. You will be charitable because you know how much you appreciate how others have helped you. I have paved a perfect path to direct you to the destination that I have planned for you."

Me: "Why do I always feel like I'm failing?"

God:"Because you are putting too much power in the opinion of others. Believe what I have told you that you are. You are fearfully and wonderfully made in My image. If you grow weary, you come to Me and I will give you rest. Failing is not the ultimate plan that I have for your life but without failures you would not succeed in the way that you are designed to."

Me:"Why is life so painful?"

God: "Without pain, how would you know the value of pleasure? There is no rainbow without rain. There is no happy ending if the entire story was happy to begin with. The pain will bring you strength. The struggles will bring you confidence and restore the strength that you always knew you had in you. Life is not always painful but with gratitude as your center you will learn how many blessings are present in your life, even in the midst of chaos."

In each and every terribly difficult situation there has been more personal growth than I ever imagined. Each struggle has been worth it just because I have gained better perspectives.

The bottom line is to trust in Him. In your most vulnerable state He will bring you all of the tools that you need to become the exact person that you were intended to be. You will learn to be empathetic. You will learn to stop judging and start loving. You will learn that other people are not your responsibility. You will learn to treat others the way that you would want to be treated. You will learn to pray for people instead of gossiping about them. You will learn to consider other people's circumstances before criticizing their actions. You will no longer be bothered by the children screaming in Target and you will respect the mother that is ignoring it.

Today, I am grateful for every situation that has molded me into the person that I am.

xo,

Mary-Ellen