Layers.
If the first thing that comes to your mind is wedding cake, then you are my people.
Anytime I think about layers I picture geodes. On the outside they look like ordinary rocks. There is nothing spectacular about them on the outside. Only when you take a look inside do you get to see how beautiful they actually are. You can't possibly see the inside unless you take the time and do the work to break it. Most of all, you have to be interested to see what's on the inside.
I'm the one that picks the warty pumpkin, the wilting plant, the ugly rock, and all things broken.
Yes, I'm aware that "things" don't have feelings. A warty pumpkin has no idea that they aren't being chosen because they are imperfect. But as a broken person I feel like it's my job to choose the broken things because I know that they are just as good, if not better, than the perfect looking things. There is a reason why it's broken, chipped, or crooked.
The same goes for people. There is a reason why they are frumpy, angry, quiet, or not quite driving quick enough for you. There is most likely a reason why they seem flustered, frustrated, tired, or wilting. Why is it that a person being a little disorganized defines them as being a mess? This is something that I've never understood. What we see on the outside, even if it feels personal, is just one layer.
I am drawn to the wilting person. Of course it's nice to be surrounded by easy-going, positive, and up-lifting people. But, who's going to be the positive and up-lifting person for those who need to be lifted? I realize that it is our own responsibility to pick ourselves up by the boot straps and better our own lives. I also realize that really painful things happen, often outside of someones control, that diminish that person's ability to pull themselves out alone. I know this because I've been there. You've been there.
God helps his people through his people, right?
Now, before you start thinking that I'm a "fixer", you are absolutely right. A recovering fixer. Thankfully, in recent years I have learned that there's no such thing. If we live our lives trying to "fix" people, we will be awfully disappointed.
As a broken person myself, not once did I ever want to be "fixed". I wanted to be loved for the exact person that I was. The frumpy, frustrated, sad, tired, emotional, defeated, and unorganized shell of a person. Because in all actuality, those are just layers to the person that I am. Behind the unorganized is the hard-working. Behind the tired is the effort. Behind the sad is the hurt. Behind the emotional is the love. Behind the defeated is the determined.
How could anyone truly love themselves if they defined themselves only by the side effects created by their circumstances? In my own experience, I learned that acknowledging my emotions and allowing them to exist was essential in the healing process. So often we are expected to "suck it up" and keep it moving. It's a great mentality and most mothers will tell you that they spend majority of their days in this mode.
When we continue to shove the bruised apple to the bottom of the bag eventually it will eventually start to spoil all of the other apples. When we acknowledge our own emotions and attempt to work through them, we can possibly avoid spoiling all of our positive characteristics.
We have so many layers.
During a time that self-care is trendy, may we not forget that it is possible to set healthy boundaries while still being kind. It is possible to put your family first while still helping those around you. It is possible to refuse to tolerate certain behaviors while still giving grace to those who need it.
Forgive the man who cut you off, smile at the mail man, wave at the teachers in the drop off line, say good morning to strangers, check on people, pray for people, reach out to someone you haven't spoken to in awhile, donate things you don't use, thank the fast food workers even when you sat in line for what feels like forever, send thank you notes, if you think someone is beautiful, tell them.
These are things that are free and most likely do not cross any personal boundaries. These are small acts of kindness that can possibly bring someone's bright layers to the surface.
The bottom line is this: Don't make assumptions. The next time you encounter someone who seems like a jagged rock, remember the geode. Not everything is as it seems. It's not our responsibility to "fix" people, but it is our responsibility to treat others how we want to be treated, with dignity and respect, even when you think they don't deserve it.
xoxo,
Mary-Ellen
