Here's to Trying

I didn't win many awards growing up.

The best award I got was probably "Most Improved Dribbler" at basketball camp. I never really felt down about it because I always put award winners in a different category than me. Also, it didn't hurt that deep down I knew that I had never given anything 100%. I usually kept it at a safe 90%. The fear of failure decreases significantly if you know that you didn't give it all you had.

I was never Student of the Month material. I always had to work hard for an A or B. I talked too much in class. I often went off into my own little world, daydreaming about any and everything other than what I needed to be focused on. This has nothing to do with how smart I am but everything to do with how my brain is wired.

None of this had to do with the kind of parenting I had. None of this was their fault.

My mother is a retired elementary school teacher and librarian. She provided me with every opportunity that was available to help me. Classes on how to get organized, tutors, positive re-enforcement charts, ACT prep classes, you name it. Did these all help me? Of course. Did it change everything about how my mind was geared to work? No.

Now that I am a mother I understand the sacrifices that she made for me.

My oldest child is 4, turning 5 in November. He is on the Autism Spectrum and in my opinion he is brilliant. Through the last two and a half years he has improved tremendously with full time, play based ABA therapy. In August, he started Pre-K 4 in a regular classroom. He has the most incredible teacher and teacher's assistant. I have met with therapists, read all of the books and taken advice from professionals who specialize in what he has in order to give him the best shot. I have changed my way of thinking, changed my way of disciplining and even parenting just to help him to improve socially.

Guess what? He still struggles.

Does he have great days? Yes.

Does he have awful days? Yes.

Does he struggle socially? Yes.

Does he have trouble with conduct? Yes.

Does he have a hard time focusing? Yes.

Am I doing my best? Yes.

Do I cry? Yes.

I may not be on the spectrum but I struggled with the same things. My struggles in school had absolutely nothing to do with the way that I was raised.

What do I know today about being the A.D.D person that I am?

I am caring.

I am funny.

I am creative.

I love people.

These are not all teachable traits. Someone can make all of the As in the world but struggle to have a conversation with someone they don't know. They might win Student of the Year without ever having the ability to make someone laugh. A person can ace a test without trying but have difficulty connecting with someone who is different from them.

I have to change my way of thinking. I have to let myself off the hook sometimes.

Being a mother is all about perspective. To some people an amazing mother is someone who keeps her house perfectly clean. To others she would be the mother who is always the room mom. I am neither. I am the mother who shows up for parent teacher conference with a notebook and an open mind. I do not think my child is perfect. I do not think he is without fault and I know we could always improve. I know that I love him more than life itself and I will do whatever it takes to help him to help himself. He may not always be sweet but there's a good chance that he is trying. If he's not trying, he will be soon. But there's one thing I can guarantee...I'm trying.

The bottom line is this...

The lack of awards may have defined me then but it doesn't now. My children may never win awards but they will know that it's ok to mess up as long as you are willing to do what it takes to improve. I will remind them of how gifted they are in their own special way. I know that my children will not be the best at everything but one day they will be the best at something. Until then I plan on showing up, doing my best and letting God handle the rest.

xoxo,

Mary-Ellen