I am who He says I am

Most days when I finally get a chance to stand still and look in the mirror I see a woman who is weary and I know why. I have spent my day pushing and fighting to swim out of the sea of doubt that I find myself constantly floating in. There's no question why I am exhausted, but it's not what most would think.

I am raising three tiny and precious humans. While doing this I am constantly trying to find a balance between being a loving daughter, a full time nurse, a supportive sister, a faithful follower of Jesus, and a decent friend. Notice how I said decent. Because decent is about all I have left after it's all said and done.

But all of these things are what bring my joy. So what makes me so tired? The constant war that I fight in my head from the second I open my eyes to the moment I lay my head on the pillow at night. This is the sea. It stretches as far as my eyes can see and it's deeper than anything imaginable. This sea is filled with doubt, denial, pain, worry, sadness, grief and most importantly defeat. How is it possible that each day I accomplish so much and I still find myself feeling like a failure? It feels as though it's beyond what I can control. I know the victories that I somehow achieve daily. I see the smiles on my children's faces the second I walk in the door. I have incredible encounters with people throughout the day that are nothing short of the Holy Spirit working through me. I feel His love and mercy and even in the darkest times, I am comforted by the blanket of Jesus. I can almost feel Him there wiping my tears. So with His presence being so apparent in my life, how can I possibly believe the lies that the enemy is feeding me?

Fear. It's the gateway for the enemy to crawl into my life daily. How many times have I been told that fear is not of God? I couldn't count if I tried.

But let's be honest, how do I avoid fear with the heaviness of my every day life? My oldest child has Autism Spectrum Disorder, my daughter has DiGeorge syndrome and I have an 18 month old that is showing early signs of Autism.. While trying to spread myself thin enough to meet everyone's needs I rarely ever feel like I've done a good enough job. But that is a lie. It's a lie that I allow to creep in and it's how I find myself floating in the sea again.

But this is where God's grace and mercy show up with a raft.

When I am constantly fighting with my own doubt, Jesus comforts me by reminding me that I am who He says I am.

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I am beloved

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness." Jeremiah 31.3

I am forgiven

"He himself bore our sins in His body on the cross so we might die to sins and live in righteousness and by His wounds you have been healed." 1 Peter 2:24

I am a temple of the Holy Spirit

"Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?" 1 Corinthians 6:19

I am righteous

"For He made Him who knew no sin for us, that we may become the righteousness of God in Him." 2 Corinthians 5:21

I am new

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17

I am set apart

"You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession."1 Peter 2:9

I am never alone

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you. He will never leave you nor foresake you." Deuteronomy 31:8

I am a masterpiece

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Chris Jesus so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10

I have guaranteed victory

"You have given me your shields of victory. Your right hand sustains me, you stoop down to make me great." Psalm 12:35

I am whole in Christ

"In Christ you have been brought to fullness." Colossians 2:30

I am known and remembered

"Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me." Isaiah 49:16

I am gifted

"Each of you should use whatever gifts you have received to serve other, as faithful stewards of God's grace in it's various forms." 1 Peter 4:10

I am strong

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13

I will be guided

"We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps." Proverbs 16:9

I am beautiful

"Let the king be enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for He is your Lord." Psalm 45:11

I am precious

"Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored and I love you." Isaiah 43:4

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These precious reminders were created for this very purpose, to rescue me from the sea. To remind me that I am who He says I am.

"For God has not given a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

The bottom line is this:

I realize that I am forgiven not because I'm worthy, but because Jesus is. I am loved not because I'm loveable, but because God is loving. I am a child of God, not because I am good enough, but because He created me.

xo

Mary-Ellen