When people talk about God speaking to them it's usually some calming and spiritual experience. Like the clouds opened up and the sun was shining just right. There was a breeze in the air and out of no where a sign pops up that surrounds that person with The Holy Spirit and they instantaneously know what to do next. I've never actually heard God speak to me but I pray for him to guide my steps and it always leads me to exactly where I'm supposed to be. If we are being honest, I've always envied the people who have received these clear messages from God until recently.
Over the last two years God lumped a huge mess of events into the greatest gift I could have asked for. He may not have whispered it in my ear, but He has gotten His point across.
It ain't about you.
I know. It seems like a miraculous message would be a little fancier than that.
But it's the way that He has shown me over the years that makes it so miraculous.
When we go through the trenches we hope that the people closest to us will give us some grace. They have to know how much I love them. They can't possibly take it personally if I can't make it to the birthday party because they know how much I have going on. But that's not how it works. I know I can speak for myself when I say that when I'm caught up in my own chaos it's all consuming. There is barely time to brush my teeth much less remember every detail of other people's lives. This is no indication of how much they mean to me. It's a representation of how hectic my own life is. So why was it so hard for me to remember that and give people that grace when it was their turn?
Because I was stuck. I was stuck in a mind that never stopped and I spent most of my time thinking about every single situation and trying to figure out "why"?
Why did my co-worker not say good morning?
Why did my friend back out at the last minute?
Why didn't they text me back?
Why did that patient speak so rudely to me?
Why has this person not paid me back?
Why don't my friends reach out more?
These are normal thoughts that run through your head when you are looking for gratification and happiness from outside of yourself. Outside of Him.
Here's what He has shown me:
Your co-worker didn't say good morning because it's the third day in a row that her husband hasn't spoken to her. Their marriage is failing and it's a full time job for her to just get out of the bed. It ain't about you.
Your friend backed out at the last minute because she had an awful week at work. Her kids have been sick and she hasn't slept in days. It ain't about you.
They didn't text you back because they opened it, responded in their head and had 3 children at their feet that needed to eat. It ain't about you.
The patient was rude to you because you were the first person that listened to them in days. They are sick of hurting and they feel like no one hears them. They have been jerked around for weeks and can't afford to miss work for another appointment. They need relief. It ain't about you.
They haven't paid you back because they can't right now. The money doesn't exist. They are buying off brand pull-ups and washing sheets every morning because we all know that those things leak. The toilet paper feels like loose leaf but every penny counts. Your payback is coming. It ain't about you.
Your friends don't reach out more because they are going through their own struggles. They live far away from family. Their parents split up. They are having problems in their marriage. They are raising their first child with a spouse that works out of town. They are just trying to get by. It ain't about you.
God sent this message to me through experience. If you put the "whys" aside you may just find yourself handing out the benefit of the doubt and feeling zero responsibility for other people and what they do. Does it get any better than that?
The bottom line is this:
If we want people to be caring and understanding when we aren't at our best then we have to give them that same opportunity. Stop taking things so personally. Put down the pride. Check on the people that you love. Remember that most of the time people are doing the best that they are capable of doing at the time. Most of all, remember that people's actions and reactions rarely have anything to do with you.
xoxo,
Mary-Ellen